Architecture of Enough
Each month I come to this cyber-space to reflect on something meaningful to me that also bears usefulness in terms of spiritual development. I write with the intention of sharing from a deeply honest and unapologetic space inside my heart. So please, take what you wish and leave the rest.
I have been initiated into some colossal learnings this year. The kind that quake platforms and dismantle perspectives. I use the word "initiate" because I was underprepared, surprised, and knee deep in life's tests, following my intuition as a means to pass.
Finally coming to a halt, I experienced a spiritual and psychological "whoa did you see that" echo effect. Life moves quickly, and sometimes you don't realize where you've landed until you are standing still and glancing backwards.
The Architecture of Boundaries
Caring deeply about the state of people, places, and creatures sometimes also involves having flimsy boundaries. But building healthy edges requires that we actually expand our capacity to hold space for pain and chaos, rather than shrinking in the face of it.
Fortressing ourselves from life's ebbs does not a boundary build. If we are fueled by vitality, and if we are emotionally aware, we can have our own deep experience while simultaneously holding space for another's. So how do we know when to establish a boundary or when to expand our capacity to hold space?
The answer is rage.
Anger, displeasure, furry, passion....
These emotions are your boundary guardian angels, here to teach you about speaking up.
We generally encounter them in one of three contexts.
The first is due to trauma. A trauma is anything harmful that happens that we are/were not prepared for (there is a spectrum here).
The second reason we get enraged is due to ineffectively communicating our boundaries to other people. We ask "How could you possibly not know this about me?" Well, because we didn't clarify. We didn't articulate our experience or our needs.
The third reason we get hot in the head is because some people are carless with our boundaries and have no interest in respecting them. This is due to a lack of emotional maturity, self-development, and therefore ability to empathize. It can also be the result of desire for power and control. Either way, no bueno. Boundaries are helpful.
Emotional intelligence is the art of differentiating between feelings in order to make choices that align with our values. And it's something we learn through practice. Don't be hard on yourself if nobody in your life taught you how to differentiate between anger and disappointment. Or between sadness and sympathy. It's super common and you are not alone.
The Architecture of Trust
How do you trust your intuition? Is it born from a physical location in your body? Does it have a clear voice, vibration, or tone? How do you know if it's your ego or your intuition or your soul speaking? How can you be sure it's trustworthy?
The etymology of the word intuition is "in" or what I like to think of as "turned on from within". Anytime we have an energetic, emotional, or physical sensation as a response to an interaction, intuition is present. She is your inner guru. Your inner shaman.
For example, when you are listening to someone speak to something and you nod your head in agreement, or you get a positive vibrational sensation up your spine, it is because you align with what that person is saying. And it is not because they know something you don't know. It's because your inner teacher is always speaking up for you. Your inner teacher is nodding yes to their inner teacher. You are equals in this experience.
Anger is intuition too, heatedly asking you to set a boundary or speak up. Sadness is intuition, in that it reminds you to stay connected to the people you love. Discernment is intuition in that you have a strong inner compass that is guiding you towards and away from certain relationships and opportunities. Without emotional intelligence, it is a challenge to trust your intuition.
The Architecture of Enough
It can seem as though everything we download, everything we take in through the senses is attempting to sell us a better self. My shape-shifting-turn-around moment came this year when I committed to no longer contributing to the lies of insufficiency that are so inherent in our culture at this time. For me this meant completely rethinking my business, time and money management, and devotion to self care and relationships.
There is much more vitality in building our individual emotional intelligence...
in order to trust our intuition....
in order to use our gifts in a way that is not manipulative or persuasive...
than there is in trying to fit into a world that is practically impossible to fit into.
The lie of insufficiency says that you are deserving of love and success if and when you do x, y, and z. But let's carefully consider how this lie perpetuates separateness and isolation and therefore keeps the powerful powerful and the questioners questioning. The ultimate rebellion is to love yourself. No matter what the fudge anyone else has to say about it.
Cheers to truthfulness without apology in 2020. We have an interesting year coming our way. I hope you choose the most courageous, misunderstood, loving path you can.